dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
