The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
