Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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