I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
