I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I skipped work to stalk him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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