My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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