cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
