some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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