Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
