I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
