ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
