don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize