It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
