can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
