Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
