well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
