I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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