So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
