Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The feeling are messing with the penis
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
