you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize