I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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