This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
