You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
