do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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