And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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