i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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