Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
