Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
