Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
