Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
