i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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