Three words: puerto rican gang bang
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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