pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
soo... how was my night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
