even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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