i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
