the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
