I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize