Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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