If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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