If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
