sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
