whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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