Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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