I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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