i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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