I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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