the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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