Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
