I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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