i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
