but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
