my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
