i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
