They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize