Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
