Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He passed out mid-signature
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
