dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
