I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
