Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
