Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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