When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still dying that you shit outside
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
