I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
