i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
