i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
