I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this boner is exhausting
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
