I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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