ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
