My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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