so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think your dad took our porno
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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