what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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