I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
