Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
