I am puke
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Randomize
