i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
