So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
