Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
