My pussy is not your playground.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
