His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
