I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
