I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
