No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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