Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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