If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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