Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
