Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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