Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
