I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
