i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
