He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
