i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
