Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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