my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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