Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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