Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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