he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Panties = found
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