just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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