I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize