when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
