I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
