Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
