Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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