Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
