Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize