Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
