hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the liver wants what the liver wants
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
