Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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