We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a burrito and a hug.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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